Share your funny or remarkable ATC comms

[GammaDeltaII]

I saw this on the VATSIM forum and thought it might be nice to have something similar here as well. Just share any funny communication between pilots and ATC that you have encountered while controlling or flying. For example, just now when I was controlling at Schiphol:

*** A/C flying at FL130 ***

ATCo: Climb FL290
Pilot: Climbing FL290
ATCo: Er .. confirm your rate of climb is in excess of 5000 ft/min?
Pilot: Confirmed
ATCo: I don't think your passengers will like that
Pilot: Well, we almost dived into the ground because of a bug in flightgear
Pilot: Better uncomfortable than dead

[V12]

Near EDDF flew unexperienced pilot, probably first time controled by ATC :
ATC : xxx, turn right to 250
Xxx : roger, right to 250
... Reaction was too slow, then
Angry ATC : xxx, what are You doing ??? Do you need fighter escort to another airport ?

At SBSP :
ATC : Boeing at 35L, are You 737 or 747 ?
Boeing : 747, ofcourse.
ATC : OK, then fire up Your engines #1 and #4

Over EGLL
XB70 : Good evening EGLL, this is NASA test flight at FL600 M3.0 from Rammstein to Rammstein
EGLL ATC : Good evening NASA, have nice flight, no Concordes in the area. (I was on runway prepared to take off with Concorde)

[aTazul]

I was requesting clearance to land at EGLL but the controller gave me clearance to crash.

I also made a few planes squawk abnormal codes (7777, 7500, 7600 and 7700).

[sp-lcz]

ATC Tower „Do you have ATIS information Hotel?”
Pilot: „No hotel. Student housing.”

[patstan]

Control tower to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 239: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this… I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”

[EDDLatc]

Inbound flight to EDDL:

ATC: turn right heading 050, cleared for ILS approach RWY 05L
Pilot: I have own navigation, I don´t need your service
ATC: roger, continue with own navigation, no traffic in sight
...2 min later...
Pilot: I crashed into the water, 3 miles out of the airport - can you help me ?
ATC: I will send you a GPS for air traffic, boat navigation I don´t support


TAXI EDDL ground:

ATC: TAXI via M, L2, hold short RWY 23L
Pilot: M, L2, hold 23L
...Pilot lining up RWY 23L...
ATC: What are you doing ? hold short means "stop before"
Pilot: My translater doesn´t work


Outbound flight from EDDL:

Pilot: Can i use RWY 32 ?
ATC: No, here isn´t a RWY 32
Pilot: But I have to fly heading 032
ATC: please follow my instructions and I will guide you to your destination